In my opinion, conflict between people is very common. There are conflicts at school, at market and on the street. Basically, conflict is just a form of expressing people's anger. Although anger between people is inevitable, we cannot turn this anger into conflict. The reason is very simply. The consequence of a conflict is unpredictable. Many criminals become murderers is because they cannot control their anger and emotion properly at the time when they commit the crime. Furthermore, 90% of murderers regret after that. Hence, how can we resolve interpersonal conflict is very important to us.
In scientific study, people with high EQ are able to control their anger much better than people with low EQ. EQ is just a skill which can be trained. Hence, in my opinion, in order to resolving interpersonal conflict, we have to improve our EQ. Below i will show you some ways to improve our EQ.
1. If you are very angry about someone who is standing right in front your and you can feel that there will be a fight between you and him soon, the best way to resolve this is that you quickly find a place where noone there. You take out a pen and a piece of paper and write down all the words that you want to "tell "him. You will find that you will become less angry about him.
2. You can try to find out the good aspects of someone who you hate the most. Then you can tell youself that he is also not taht bad.
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Hey Siming,
ReplyDeleteI like that you have suggested some simple ways for anger management. The method to write down the thoughts is a great way to free yourself of negative emotions in your system. It works for me too! This method can be used whenever you feel that there is something bugging you, not only for situations where you need to control your anger. I think that is why many enjoy having a personal diary or a blog. These are just some of the platforms where we can release our frustrations or joy. Also, another way to help yourself manage your emotions is to talk to someone understanding or with a good listening ear, such as a good friend. That way, we can get feedback as we relate the issue to him/her, which can then help us understand our own emotions and nature better.
As for the second suggested method, I think it’s easier said than done. It’s true that we have to see the good and the bad aspects of everyone but perhaps not even thinking about that person you hate the most would be a better way to clear the negative emotions rather than to make yourself think about his/her good points!
The issue of regretting after committing an undesirable act is something we must learn to control. Like you’ve mentioned, most criminals have difficulty controlling and they end up regretting. Thus, we should contemplate the consequences before we act!
Regards,
Win Yee
Hi Siming,
ReplyDeleteThanks for those two advice.
Controlling our emotions is the best way to avoid conflicts with other people. Writing what you think about people annoying you is a good practice of emotion control. Instead of yelling at each other's face, we can simply write down the things on a piece of paper. In addition, by writing them down, you can reread what you have written, and see how bad the comments would be and how they would badly hurt the listener. Then you can choose other appropriate words to convey your thoughts and your feelings to the target.
Thinking about the good aspects of the target is also a good method. To err is human. Everyone has the good and the bad side. If we only have prejudice against the target, we can never make wise decisions.
I suggest some other methods to control your emotions like listening to music, or having a chat with your close friends, the ones that understand your feelings without having to say much.
Regards,
Frank
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ReplyDeleteHello Ma Siming,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I must say that your post provides some refreshing insight into resolving interpersonal conflicts but I do not quite agree with you on most of the posts raised. You mentioned several interesting facts that I shall elaborate on in the next few paragraph.
You mentioned that conflict is a form of expressing one’s anger. However, I believe that when a conflict occurs, anger is expressed when it is not resolved amicably. I do not believe it is the other way round whereby someone purposely makes use of a conflict to express his inner rage. Perhaps for a small minuscule proportion of the entire human race, however there are other healthier outlets in expressing anger such as through running, boxing and sports.
Another point you raised is that EQ is a skill that can be trained. Honestly, I do not believe EQ could be trained as it is something like one’s personality or fingerprint. It is something innate within a person and EQ is a means by which someone instinctively reacts to various social stimuli. In fact, instead of training one’s EQ, I believe it is more realistic to equip someone with the necessary skill sets to deal with various social predicaments when it occurs.
Lastly, I do agree with your first technique in resolving interpersonal conflicts. I must admit that although it could be rather difficult to walk away from a confrontation to pen down one’s thoughts, it is a rather effective means of cooling oneself down.
Best Regards,
Khairul Anwar